


Love for All Times

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 04:14:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14968877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Loving Bucky is not always easy.





	Love for All Times

You hated when Bucky got like this. When new memories surfaced through nightmares and he retreated into himself. You hated when he ran away from you and everyone else; hiding in his world or some stupid apartment building halfway around the world like he had done when he was on the run.

Those times were the worst. Not knowing where he was scared the shit out you. Steve too, even though he would never admit it. He always pretended as if there was nothing to worry about when you both knew it wasn’t true. Every time Bucky left there was always a chance that he wasn’t coming back home and that the darkness in his mind would win.

You always searched for him. Steve did too, even if it was another thing he would never admit to your face, but you were still grateful to him for it. The truth was, he had known Bucky a lot longer than you had, and he always found him. He always brought him back too, just to have Bucky disappear into his room for days before emerging as if nothing had happened.

You always played along. You let him have his space, and you were there for him when the man you had fallen in love with returned. The man, that with one look, could make your knees weak and have you blushing like a schoolgirl. Today was different though. You hadn’t seen him when he returned home with Steve. You hadn’t realized how much that little glimpse of Bucky before he locked himself away again meant to you.

You loved him at his best and his worst. You would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked you too, but he never did. You knew why too. You knew he still didn’t think he deserved you or that you could love him if you saw the side of him he kept hidden from the world. The darkness and the pain that still haunted him, which you so badly wished you could take away. Bucky didn’t deserve what he had been through. He deserved your constant and undying love, even if it took you forever to make him see it.

You had been pacing the floor of your room for hours. You couldn’t focus on work, and you couldn’t find rest. You needed to see him. The compound was quiet when your resolve finally broke, and you headed to Bucky’s room. That was as far as you got through. Your hand raised to knock on his door but fell before you could. You knew he was hurting, and you were afraid to add to his pain. You knew he needed to be alone. No matter how much you ached for him to let you in, you knew that wasn’t something you could force, and you didn’t want to.

A tear slide down your cheek as you lowered yourself to the floor with your back resting against his door. You needed to be close to him, and if this was as close as you could be right now, that would just have to be enough.

You closed your eyes, resting your head back against the door as you thought about his smiles. The cheeky smirk plastered on his face when he was making fun of you for whatever reason. The shy smile when you dressed up for him or made a comment he hadn’t expected. The flirtatious grin always followed by a wink when he was at his happiest. That was the smile that you had locked in your mind as you dozed off.

You had no idea how long you had slept when you suddenly tumbled backwards, hitting the floor with a thumb.

“What the hell?” Bucky’s deep voice sounded, and before you knew it, he was kneeling down by your side. His hand gently went behind your neck, coaxing you to look up at him. His eyes flickered over your face as his metallic hand examined you for injuries.

“Are you okay?” His voice was softer now, and your tears pressed against your eyes. You wanted to say you were. You hadn’t been hurt in the fall, but your heart was torn to shreds. You couldn’t lie to him. You never could. So you shook your head with a trembling lip, and Bucky instantly pulled you tightly against his chest. He sat down on the floor with you, helping you crawl onto his lap as he held you. You closed your eyes silently crying against his chest as he held you.

“I’m sorry doll. You deserve better than this,” he muttered quietly.

You looked up at him with tear-blurred vision, and he sent you a sad smile, tucking your hair behind your ear. You knew he didn’t mean to hurt you when he ran away. You hoped it would change in time and that he would find a way to let you in. Even if it never did it never mattered. You loved him even at his worst. You would move mountains for him and follow him wherever he was to lead. He owned your heart.  

“I just want you, Buck,” you whispered, and he instantly pulled you against him. You let the sound of his heartbeat and the warmth of his body calm you. A small smile crept onto your lips, snuggling closer to him as he made you his promise.

“You got me doll. Always.”


End file.
